You guys are awesome; thank you so much for your opinions!

After I had stewed on it overnight I called the mom in the morning and left her a voice mail, reiterating what I had said in the email and also adding that she needed to bring the payment in cash, and emphasizing how very not cool it was, because my husband has been unemployed for four months and I'm supporting a family of three on my teaching income, and just barely paying the bills as it is, so something like that could well cause MY checks to bounce.

She called me back a few hours later and was indeed concerned and apologetic and said that it was the first she had heard of the check bouncing, and she did indeed bring the money in cash to the lesson, so all is well there.

At this point I'm going to give her the benefit of the doubt and see how it goes. She said it was just a math error on her part, and I've done that before, but thankfully I've always caught it and never actually bounced a check. (I also stopped doing my checkbook by hand six years ago when I got Microsoft Money.) I will heed your advice and require cash payments if it becomes a pattern.

Now I think it's a good idea to add a returned check fee to my policies, as you all suggested. I've been here in Colorado for two years and this is my first incident so I was thinking that it wasn't necessary, and I like to keep the policy sheet short, since it adds to the likelihood of it actually being read!

Alidoremi--I loved your story about the scammer. You are totally my hero!

And as far as judging the mom on her appearance goes, well, that's called a first impression! I can guarantee that regardless of how any of us feel about it, we are all judged the same way every time we meet someone who can see.

And you can disagree with me if you like, but I've learned from my years on the planet that you can learn something about a person from his or her personal grooming. I rather like that, actually--it's right there for you to see, whether someone is overly fastidious, more casual and relaxed, or, well, goes out in public looking like there are no mirrors in his or her house.

I think I picked it up when I was working retail in a cosmetics department, but I learned to beware of the "no mirror" ladies, lest I end up in an endless, inescapable, completely loony conversation about their sex lives, religious and political views, etc. Some good warning signs to heed include 1) Obviously visible underwear, like someone wearing a thin white cotton skirt and bright colored panties, or the low-rise shorts and crop top combo with control top pantyhose 2) Makeup colored outside the lines, like one eye completely done up and the other naked, one solitary eyebrow drawn on, or drag queen lipstick with no other makeup to even balance it out and 3) Someone over the age of 40 dripping with so much head to toe glitter that she looks like an aging pixie. To me, these things say "Hello, I'm off my meds."

If you flame me for being shallow and judgmental, may you be sucked into a half hour conversation with a one-eyebrowed pixie with a visible control top!

Thankfully, this mom was far from those extremes. I mentioned her weird plastic barrette to point out that, as AshleyJane put it, my instincts were telling me that she might be a little strange, or as Alidoremi put it, that her disorganized appearance may reflect her being overwhelmed and disorganized in other areas of life. I've had an "off kilter" piano mom before, and she went from being amusingly idiosyncratic to yelling and throwing stuff at me because I gave her daughter flash cards, so I'm quite eager to keep my studio drama-free at this point! So combine a bit of a red flag with the bounced check and I was wondering if any of you would advise going so far as to just drop her and head off future trouble.

Again, thank you all for your advice. I wish you all drama free studios!

Wow! I just thought you were a "tiny bit" judgemental....I never knew the full extent! Personally, I have never judged ANY of my parents in that manner. I choose to get to know them. It would be interesting to know if this mother knew your true feelings, if she'd continue with you. I still say "HARSH"! I'm also glad I won't have to meet you in person, because I'd hate knowing that you are judging me by my appearance!

On My Gosh! . .. I would definitely drop someone with a plastic barrette immediately. (insert sarcastic smiley) . . . and thanks for the reminder that I need to color the first inch of my hair sometime this week-month.

On a more serious side. People aren't perfect. They sometimes bounce checks. As long as they make good on them and pay the fees I don't even think of dropping those families. Of course if bounding checks is a norm for a family then ask for cash.

Well, I was getting a good laugh out of the pixie with colorful underwear, and remembering my brief time in retail. (I once saw much, much worse under tight white shorts, but it was too frightening go into further detail.) I've told my kids more than once: how you visually present yourself to the world says something about you, not everything, but something.

Come on, admit it, don't we all immediately notice things about people, consciously or subconsciously? First impressions, gut feelings, appearance, behavior, red flags, we post about them all the time on this board. Dove is just trying to figure out what this woman is REALLY like.

Hmm...there's nothing "HARSH!" or judgmental about saying "I'm also glad I won't have to meet you in person."

True, it's possible that she has some terrible disease that gives her impossibly unmanageable hair, and we ALL have dry hair and skin over the winter here, but I'm not about to gauge my eyes out in shame for forming a first impression of a person, and I'm quite certain she did the same with me. And I doubt any stranger could come up any criticism of my appearance that I haven't thought of myself! Besides, I'm a singer so I have to have a thick skin to survive. :-O

We don't live in blind society, and maybe it's the "beauty girl" in me speaking, but I rather like that! I'd much rather risk judgment for my grooming, fashion sense, etc., than don a burka and look like everyone else.

GailS--I'm sure your hair looks fine! Everyone who colors her hair has to rock the roots sometimes.

I feel like I didn't portray the craziness of the hair well enough to do it justice at this point. It was like an afro, but not a cute sexy Angela Davis kind of afro, more like a big messy disorganized puffball, with a little ducky barrette stuck in it. Just trust me, it made me feel like "???" and that combined with the payment problem and the fact that I did have the recent encounter with the screaming and throwing stuff mom made me wary enough to wonder if I shouldn't be very cautious about it and save myself future drama.

But as I said before, I do agree that it's fair to give them another chance and see how it goes. I'll just learn the lesson and add provisions to my policies.

The thing that's frustrating to me is that after having to take people to small claims court for unpaid fees, I thought I had made my policies iron-clad, as in, if you haven't paid, you don't get a lesson, period, and you lose your enrollment fee, but bouncing a check is like a loophole that can allow me to still lose income and materials. I have a colleague who actually has a credit card machine and gets credit card information from each student and runs it at the beginning of the month. Now THAT would be secure, but it would also cost a percentage to use the service. I guess there's no perfect way to protect myself (and the family that depends on me) when doing business.

Have any of you tried the credit card thing? I actually saw on the MTNA website where they were advertising a service that would allow private teachers to take credit cards, and I think I'm going to look into it. If nothing else, it would be an extra convenience. People are used to using credit cards for EVERYTHING these days.

Amanda, who hopes to meet ALL of you in the future and go get our hair and nails done together! *MWAH*

Well, I was always taught if it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, quacks like a duck... then it must be a duck.

Appearances speak volumes.

I just had my first check bounce yesterday. The bank charged me $7.00 on top of the bounced check. I know I need to confront the parent, but how do I do it politely? (I HATE making people feel bad or embarrassed.) Can someone write me a script? lol. Do you think email, phone, or in person is best?

Also, those of you who have a bounced check fee in your policy, how do you word it?

Rebecca
www.pianoteacherblog.com

I think the thing to do is to just assume, as you talk to the parent, that it is an unfortunate accounting error on their part. I.e., just a silly math error in their register. Do, of course, let them know about the $7 dollar fee.

I don't have a fee in my policy (yet!). I've only had one, a few years ago, and it did turn out to be a one-time error. They fixed their balance and repaid with a check that included my bank's fee and all was well from then on.

If it happened a second time, then I would request cash from them! ...And, that's what I would put in the policy. First time, they pay any fees, second time, ditto, and no more checks.

I would send an email and say something like:

"Just a quick note to let you know that I just received your check for April's tuition back from my bank, marked 'Insufficient Funds'. Please bring cash to your child's next lesson, including the bank fee fee of $____ that I was charged."

Thanks alidoremi! I copied your words almost exactly in an email to this parent. She had no problem or issue with it and I didn't feel like a jerk trying to embarrass her while demanding money. Very tactful! Thanks again! You saved the day!

Rebecca
www.pianoteacherblog.com